


The Painful Price of Existence

by megertles



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megertles/pseuds/megertles
Summary: Connor thinks back on the meaning of life and existence and what the price of it is.
Relationships: Love - Relationship





	The Painful Price of Existence

He knew he didn’t understand everything. Nobody could not even him. Even with the advanced networks in his body and making every part of his being, the complex networks that comprised of what he was told made him a walking program. Even with it all he knew he would never understand everything.

But when he sometimes wished he could as if maybe if he knew it all it would make understanding this world and it’s people easier. She was the first to tell him the truth about that, from his memory database he could still feel her hand on his face as she shook her head and looked up at him,

“Nobody is supposed to know everything.”

Not even humans wanted to know everything, as much as they tried it seemed that the actual pursuit of whole understanding was impossible. Did they not feel empty? Lost in the sea of never knowing what the purpose of it all was? Again her voice was there trying her best to answer questions he knew were too much for any living thing to really have a straight answer for,

“The purpose of existence is what we make out of it...I think my purpose is to just live and to help others live? Does that make sense?”

It didn’t but it felt undeniably right. His purpose, his designed purpose, was temporary and set in stone. But...did he have a real purpose? A real reason to be brought into this existence? He almost didn’t ask her because he knew it was something she couldn’t really understand. But that sunny morning she had taken his hand and spoke as if she herself had thought over the same question herself.

“I....androids were made because humans wanted them. But..” she struggled to piece her complicated thoughts together, “Humans are cold and rough and greedy...” she said regretfully but the grip of her hand tightened around his looking up earnestly at him hoping he would understand, 

“I think human nature is good. We create and live and build because...because that’s what makes life worth living. Everything that led to you being created was because someone loved creation and was curious. Maybe it was taken for greed but at the start....I’m sure whatever started this all...they just wanted to create something and teach it all that is good with humanity.”

She smiled at that looking off for a moment,

“Humans are a very lonely people...”

Peering back up at him she shook her head, “Does that make sense?”

He could still feel the way her eyes took him in. With such genuine feeling that surely she was looking at someone just as living and breathing as she was. The warmth of her eyes and genuine love in her words all things he could feel in the hand he held.

Now as he held her hand again all these things came back to him. The purpose of life and the realization that he was something that would long out last her. The thought was cold and hard and so unlike her. Soft, bright and warm. She was real. The universe somehow had created this person he now held in his arms, all he could do was marvel once again at the expansiveness of the universe that had gifted him her.

That expansiveness scared him now. Not because of his first worry of never understanding it, which felt so unimportant now, but because the realization that he would be going through it alone. 

How could he ever continue to exist without her there? Without the very one who woke him up to it all? To him she was the light in everything, what made understanding it all worth it, the very one who made him realize the beauty and joy that was life. She told him he had a soul and he believed her. All that she was and all that she did for him how could he not love her?

The one who literally taught him what love was. None of her answers were perfect but she guided him through it all as best she could. He knew someday he would lose her. She was a fragile and quickly aging thing. But he was more than happy to accompany her through time and to enjoy the short moments they were afforded. Life was cruel like that he came to realize.

But that only made it all so much more precious.

The ringing in his audio processors didn’t bother him as he focused on trying to hear what she was saying to him. Despite all the pain and her elevated heart beat she only looked up at him with the same eyes he had seen when he had finally woken up.

“I love you Connor.”

She whispered, blood soaking through her clothes. The riots were out of control. Even after the success of android freedom movements still people attacked. They had never expected it to be easy. The world wouldn’t change in a day. But that was something he didn’t understand about human nature. Why couldn’t they just see past the hate? Why did they hate them so much? Why were they so blinded that they would even hurt their own kind?

The pain in his chest was something that made him wish he hadn’t deviated. Then maybe he would have been spared of it’s horrible grip on what he could only call his heart. His hand came to her face as his own programming told him she couldn’t be saved.

The expanse of life opened in front of him and told him he would be existing in it alone. He almost didn’t hear Hank’s voice that was running over gun at the ready, but he stopped in his tracks once he caught sight of why Connor wasn’t running from obvious danger.

“Oh god...”

The pain in Connors face was real. She could see it which was why she smiled and reached up to touch his cheek. He carefully reached for hers as well and moved to touch his forehead to hers.

“I love you too.”

Hank’s knees almost gave out as he watched possibly the most gut-wrenching sight in his life which was saying a lot considering the years he had lived. She smiled again and moved to try and kiss him but the movement only sped up the blood loss and just like that inches from his face she went still.

And he was alone. Hank dropped to his knees unable to utter a word knowing how devastated Connor must be. A calm hand smoothed across her face moving her hair out of the way. So this was the cost of living? The bitter painful price for such a short time of happiness. With a smile he knew that it wasn’t something he could bare. Not alone. Not without her.

He didn’t hear Hank’s screams as he reached down and pulled out his own thirium pump. What she had told him was his heart. Everything went still and he could feel himself shutting down. Hanks words were inaudible as it all slowly went down. His hand still on her face he moved to take her other hand in his. Laying her gently on the ground he ignored the pain as suddenly he started sputtering and choking.

His body started seizing up which he ignored trying to lay her down, jerking hard he fell at her side onto the cold ground. Hank sank to the ground his agonized tears silent to Connor. He understood Connor knew that. Laying at her side her hand in his still warm he willed himself to focus only on her face. It was the last thing to shutdown and just as everything had for her, it all went black.


End file.
